weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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