I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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