Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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