is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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