we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
