please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
