bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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