Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
