last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
