he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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