I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
