I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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