its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
After tacos, we're chasing women.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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