I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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