i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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