I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
