dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
