I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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