Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
