Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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