then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
