if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
