I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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