can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
