Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
