bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
