I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
