Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
