I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
