I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
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it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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