omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
