I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
