she woke up with a sticky ear
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize