I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
