im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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