it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
