I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
