some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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