no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
