FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
