We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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