Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
