ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
