He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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