Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
