i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
