so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
