His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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