Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
