Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
