whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
