I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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