I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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