His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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