everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
