Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize