i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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