u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
