I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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