shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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