nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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