Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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