I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize