We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
