JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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