hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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