also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
