Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
