Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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